Therapy that fits you!
Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse
What are characteristics of a narcissist?
-
Grandiose Self-View: Narcissists exaggerate their achievements and expect recognition, even without proportional accomplishments.
-
Preoccupation with Success: Narcissists are obsessed with having the perfect life, including, financial achievement, power, social status, and physical attractiveness.
-
Believe Special: Narcissists believe they are so special/unique that only other special/unique people can relate.
-
Need Admiration: Narcissists have a fragile sense of self and require constant admiration to boost themselves up.
-
Entitlement: Narcissists believe they deserve special treatment and that others should automatically comply with their demands.
-
Interpersonally Exploitative: Narcissists tend to form relationships that benefit them, using others for their own gain and showing little genuine care for others.
-
Lack Empathy: Narcissists have difficulty recognizing and caring about others’ emotional needs.
-
Jealous/Envious: Narcissists often compare themselves to others and are envious of others’ success. Similarly, they believe others are envious of them.
-
Arrogant: Narcissists project a sense of superiority over others and act condescending, rude, or snobbish toward those they perceive as lesser.
What does a narcissistic parent look like?
-
They have to be the best
-
They take credit for your accomplishments
-
They need to maintain a perfect family image
-
They guilt trip to get what they want
-
Their love feels conditional
-
They’re critical and controlling
-
They play favorites as a way to maintain power and control
-
If you want to spend time with them, it’s on their time and their terms
-
They embarrass you to boost their own ego
-
They don’t respect your boundaries
-
They expect you to take care of them
What does a narcissistic partner look like?
-
They can be charismatic and charming, at least in the beginning
-
They provide lots of affection and gifts, particularly in the beginning of relationships (sometimes called ‘love bombing’), in an effort to build intimacy and trust quickly
-
They gaslight and invalidate your feelings and experiences
-
They have a tendency to hold grudges and seek revenge
-
They’re co-dependent
-
They’ll use your friends or kids against you in an argument
-
They talk down to you and treat you like a child
-
They try to control your relationships, finances, and decision making
-
Their expectations constantly change and nothing you do seems good enough (i.e., constantly changing the goalposts)
-
There’s no room for disagreement and definitively no criticism
-
Your world revolves around them
-
You can never win
How does this affect you?
-
Always focusing on your narcissistic parent/partner can lead to:
-
Loss of self/individual identity
-
People pleasing / Tendency to focus on other’s needs
-
Loss of connection with others
-
-
The need to be perfect and meet the narcissist's expectations can lead to:
-
Competitiveness
-
Overachieving
-
Perfectionism
-
-
Repeated criticism, striving for perfectionism, and failure to meet unreasonable expectations can lead to:
-
Anxiety
-
Low self-esteem
-
Depression
-
-
Conditional love and emotional abuse can lead to:
-
Co-dependency
-
-
Being on the receiving end of narcissistic rage and emotional abuse can lead to:
-
Difficulty managing and expressing emotions
-
How can therapy help?
-
Process the relationship and emotional trauma
-
Explore emotional triggers and how this may impact current relationships
-
Learn to recognize signs of healthy and unhealthy relationships
-
Set boundaries and prioritize your own needs
-
Build other support systems
-
Learn radical acceptance. This doesn’t mean accepting the narcissist’s behavior as okay, but accepting that they’re unlikely to change